


It's Just a Kiss

by zadonis



Category: GOT7
Genre: Bisexual Jackson, Boys Kissing, Dry Humping, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Kissing, Kissing Games, M/M, Platonic Kissing, Slow Burn, lots and lots of kissing its all jinyoung wants to do, more kissing there's so much kissing, mostly platonic kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zadonis/pseuds/zadonis
Summary: Sometimes Jinyoung just wants to kiss someone. (Sometimes Jinyoung just falls in love).





	It's Just a Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching all the episodes of real GOT7 and I don't know there was one episode where Jinyoung like almost kissed one of the other guys and I started wondering - what if he really wanted to kiss all of them - and then it evolved into all this. Please leave some comments and/or kudos!  
> (ps. also let me know if this sucks)

Jinyoung just wanted to kiss his bandmates. It was nothing really. No different than how most other guys in their industry were. Jinyoung just liked the extreme form of skinship, and he knew the fans did too. Every time he dove in for a kiss on stage or in front of a TV crowd, the fans screamed with glee, and not that Jinyoung would ever admit it but all the butterflies in his stomach screamed with glee as well. He just liked the challenge of kissing the other guys in the group. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

For a long time, his favorite person to spring kisses on was Jaebum. They’d been together for so long, working together, and they were pretty close, and Jaebum didn’t always seem to mind unless there was a fan he thought was really pretty that was watching. When Jaebum finally snapped after Jinyoung may have taken it too far in one of those kissing games that a lot of shows made them do, he turned his affection to Mark. Mark liked to push Jinyoung away when he actually went in for a full on-the-lips kiss, but if it was just a cheek kiss, Mark was just as likely to initiate it.

But even Mark grew tired of the fan service, so Jinyoung had to move on again or risk their managers telling him to cut it out completely.

Jackson was always willing to kiss anyone. That man had so much love to go around, and he wasn’t afraid to prove it. Jinyoung frequently found himself tucked into Jackson’s side, kept warm in the older guy’s arms, and he usually only let Jinyoung kiss him when they were in public, usually only when there was a piece of food or paper between their lips. Only when it could be perceived as a joke and not a legitimate kiss.

The less his members let him kiss them, the more Jinyoung felt his heavy heart sinking in his chest. All he wanted to do was kiss them. Just kiss them as a sign of his affection. Yugyeom pushed him away any time he got too close. BamBam only indulged Jinyoung’s kisses on the cheek once or twice every promo period. Youngjae refused kisses, but when neither of them could sleep at night, he would cuddle and whisper to Jinyoung that he knew about him.

“You know what?” Jinyoung asked one night when he was still far too wide awake despite being curled together with Youngjae, their limbs tangled under a warm blanket, the fuzzy light of the TV painting shadows across their faces. “What are you talking about, Youngjae?”

The younger boy wiggled around until they were face to face, and in the darkness, Jinyoung could hardly make out any of Youngjae’s familiar features. Only his eyes glowed in the faint light that reflected off the wall behind them.

“I know you don’t just kiss us for the fans. You kiss us cause you want to.” His voice was quiet, but Jinyoung slapped a hand over his mouth anyway as if he’d just shouted that.

“That’s not true. I kiss you guys because it’s funny and the fans like it. Everything I do is for the fans, Youngjae.” Jinyoung sat up, untangling himself from the blanket, from the younger boy. “I’m still not tired. I think I’m going to go for a walk.”

And Jinyoung absolutely did not _run_ from their dorm.

He wasn’t running from the words Youngjae had said or from the words echoing around in his brain. Jinyoung just liked kissing his bandmates because it was a thing they did, right? There was nothing more to it. Nothing.

He came home a few hours later, exhausted. Youngjae was gone by then, back to his apartment, and Jinyoung crawled into his bed alone, refusing to think about Youngjae’s accusations. It’s not like he was _gay_. He didn’t want to have sex with the other guys. He just wanted to kiss them. There was nothing wrong with that.

It never occurred to Jinyoung that all of his reassurances to himself, all of his denials, and the fluttery feeling in his stomach when any of his bandmates consented to let him kiss them, those all added together meant that maybe, just maybe, he really liked kissing them. And it wasn’t just that. But there was nothing wrong with that – that much he was correct about.

That night he dreamt about kissing all of them one at a time. He kissed Jaebum who turned into BamBam. BamBam became Jackson who became Yugyeom, Youngjae, then Jackson again before Mark was standing before him, giggling as Jinyoung’s lips found his. When he woke in the morning – his heart beating strong, his stomach fluttering, lips sensitive as if he’d really been kissing all night long – Jinyoung thought that he’d fallen ill in the night because that was the only explanation for a reaction such as that to the dream he’d had. Kissing had never made him feel that way before, like he wanted to keep kissing until it was impossible to stop, until kissing was breathing.

He tried his best to ignore the feeling as he got up and went out to face the other members.

Weeks passed where Jinyoung was too exhausted to be able to even spend much time thinking about kissing let alone actually putting in any effort to kiss any of the other guys. When they were so busy with practicing the new lyrics and choreography for their upcoming comeback, he ended every day so tired that he just fell into bed after a quick shower. But still, when he fell asleep he dreamed of kissing. The person in each dream was different. Some nights he kissed Jaebum, pressing him to the floor of the practice room while the leader half-assed attempts to stop the kiss before finally giving in and letting Jinyoung grab his cheeks and lay a kiss on him. Other nights it was Jackson on the stage of a TV show, the hot lights and eyes of all the staff burning down on them as a piece of paper passed between their lips and Jinyoung moved it to the next person whose face didn’t register, and then he was turning back to Jackson and the paper fluttered away from Jackson’s lips, but it was too late and their lips were touching, maybe for an instant too long. Other nights it was BamBam and a dwindling stick of pepero, the younger boy giggling as Jinyoung bit off another length, drawing closer and closer, his hands on BamBam’s neck and the back of his head to keep him from pulling back. Of course, their lips touched, that was what these dreams were all about – the kiss, the instant of time no matter how brief where the homoerotic game turned into something real.

Every morning Jinyoung woke, cursing himself for the dreams, and then he’d get up, get dressed and wear himself out at practice again. Comeback was approaching, and they had to be perfect. Comeback was soon, and that meant plenty of reasons were coming to be able to kiss the guys on the cheeks, to lean in so close that the fans thought they would kiss for real. Soon, soon, soon, Jinyoung’s heart seemed to beat the word, ticking forward.

It shouldn’t have bothered him as much as it did. Kisses were just kisses. Most of the time he only kissed the other guys on the cheek, the forehead, anywhere platonic that wasn’t the lips. Jackson was the only one that didn’t really mind if Jinyoung kissed him on the corner of his mouth or even perfectly on his lips. Jackson was always spreading his affection around; he was the only one of them that didn’t mind showing affection to their male fans. He didn’t wave this fact around, but he was bisexual, which he’d been open about with the other members since the group came together, so kissing guys was no big thing for him, but he’d told Jinyoung once that he wasn’t going to kiss guys that he knew were straight. “It’s like asking for heartbreak,” He’d explained, as he pushed Jinyoung away carefully. “Why would I want to waste my time there when nothing’s ever going to happen?”

And they finally had their comeback, and Jinyoung was still just as exhausted. Their schedule was packed full. They did music shows, variety shows, music video shooting, and more. They played pepero kissing games, and Jinyoung kissed Yugyeom full on the mouth, which got their pepero stick down to a one centimeter length, meaning they won the prize of meat that the studio offered. And that night Jinyoung dreamt of kissing the maknae again. Of their youngest’s skin warm under his hands as Jinyoung bit down on the stick Yugyeom held in his teeth, and then he leaned forward, taking almost the entire length of the stick into his mouth so fast that Yugyeom didn’t even have time to draw back his lips. And Jinyoung presented the pepero sliver to the judge, a smile and Yugyeom’s lip color still on his lips.

But still, it wasn’t enough. When the other guys snuck up beside him and kissed him lightly on the cheek, it made Jinyoung’s heart flutter, and when he did it to them, his heart pounded, but he longed for more that he wasn’t getting. Until one morning after a particularly vivid dream where each and every one of his members kissed him at once, on the lips, his cheeks, his forehead, and his chest. He ignored the sexuality of the dream, and focused instead on the innocence of the kissing. He’d had enough of it. Jinyoung just wanted to actually kiss someone.

“Group meeting!” He texted the rest of GOT7, summoning all of them to the main room of the dorm, summoning Youngjae from his apartment, which meant waiting an extra amount of time that Jinyoung had forgotten about. The six of them were made to wait in awkward silence, waiting for Youngjae’s arrival, in which time the other five guys kept sending looks at Jinyoung, wondering what he’d called the meeting for. When Youngjae finally arrived, taking a seat in the armchair Jinyoung found that he wasn’t sure anymore who he was going to do this, bring up this topic to the guys.

“What’d you bring us all here for, Jinyoung?” Jaebum asked, leaning into Jackson’s side on the loveseat. BamBam and Yugyeom were tangled together similarly, half-leaning against Mark on the larger sofa. Youngjae was squeezed in the armchair between the two couches. Jinyoung’s heart throbbed painfully in his chest, his palms were coated in sweat, and he sat down in the chair across from them all, the one he’d dragged in from the kitchen. He didn’t quite know what to say, how to word what he wanted.

And then suddenly his mouth opened and all of his confused words spilled out.

“Over the last few weeks I’ve come to the conclusion that I really like kissing. Particularly kissing you guys. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I just – it’s not like gay or anything – I’m totally straight, but when I think about how we kiss each other in front of the fans and other times, I like it. God, this all sounds so weird, what am I saying? I just think it makes me happy, but not in a weird way, not really.”

As he spoke the guys untangled themselves from each other. Jaebum sat up straight, putting a few inches of empty space between himself and Jackson. Yugyeom sat up, swatting away BamBam’s arms, and BamBam leaned away from Mark.

“I know this sounds really weird probably. Like, you don’t want to think about me kissing you and enjoying it, probably. But it’s not like that. A kiss is just a kiss, and it’s a totally platonic kind of thing. I don’t mean it to be any more than just a kiss. Like a cheek kiss, or just a peck on the lips. Nothing more than anything that we’ve ever done before, but I like it. I was kind of down, like depressed a bit, for a while when I was thinking about all this, and I wasn’t actually really having much of any skinship with any of you, so I realized that maybe kissing you guys is what makes me happy. It’s like because I’m so close with all of you, I just think of kissing you. But it’s not romantic! It’s just kissing.” He suddenly wondered how many times he’d said that word, _kiss_. “I don’t think any of you have to accept it. If it is too weird for all of you, then I’ll forget about it entirely. But would it be okay if you – if I kissed you more often? Not like real kissing, but kind of like fake kissing, only we actually touch and stuff? You don’t have to, but would it be okay?”

The room fell silent for a moment, and Jinyoung’s heart kind of stopped in his chest as he looked around at the stunned faces of his members. None of them said anything. They all kind of just stared at him as if they couldn’t believe what he’d just said. And then Jackson shifted around on the loveseat, and then he spoke.

“Sure. If that’s what makes you happy.” Jackson shrugged. “It’s not like kissing a guy is anything I’m not used to. You can kiss me any time, but don’t make it too obvious in front of the cameras.” He pushed his hair back off his forehead and sat his hat back down over it, licking his lips like he was trying hard to stay cool, to keep his image tough.

Beside him, a moment later, Jaebum nodded. “If I’d known that kissing us was something that was like real, I wouldn’t have stopped you. I thought you were just doing it for the fans, but if it’s a you thing – “

“It is.” Jinyoung’s voice still shook. He was in disbelief that the words had ever come out of his mouth, even in the flood that they did, but more than that he was shocked that the guys were responding in this way. He definitely thought at least one of them would have flipped out and left the room, refusing to ever be alone with him again. “I just really like kissing, especially when I’m close with people, and it doesn’t even have a sexual side to it, not really.”

 _Only sometimes. Only with certain people in certain instances._ He thought to himself.

Youngjae sat across from him, arms folded across his chest, a smirk draped on his lips, and a satisfied look in his eyes. He didn’t even have to say “I told you so” every facet of his body language was saying it already. Jinyoung stood up quickly and all but launched himself over into Youngjae’s lap, twisting his arm around the younger guy’s neck, and he smashed a kiss into his cheek. Youngjae laughed and groaned and squeezed Jinyoung’s sides, as if that was even really an effort to get him off of him, but he didn’t actually remove him or stop Jinyoung from kissing him.

The other guys just watched.

Jinyoung didn’t miss the fact that neither Mark, BamBam, nor Yugyeom had said anything since the flood of words had come pouring out of his mouth. He noticed that when he pulled away from Youngjae’s cheek with a bright grin on his face, Mark was looking the other way, staring down at his phone. Still perched on Youngjae’s lap, Jinyoung looked around the room, catching the eyes of five of the other six members, and he asked, “Are you sure you don’t mind? It’s just kisses. It’s not like I’ll die if you don’t want me to kiss you.”

“Jinyoung,” Jackson sighed, standing up and coming right in front of Jinyoung and Youngjae. He cupped one hand under Jinyoung’s jaw, who prayed to the universe that Jackson wouldn’t be able to feel the way that his pulse began to thunder at his touch. When Jackson leaned in and dragged Jinyoung’s face toward his, Jinyoung felt a little bit faint. And then Jackson stopped, their lips separated by a few centimeters of space. “It’s just kissing, like you said. We’ve all kissed each other in some way before, right? The only difference is that now it’ll be intentional.”

And then he kissed him.

Jackson jerked Jinyoung forward, crushing their lips together.

It was a dry kiss. All closed lips, open eyes, and brief. Too brief in Jinyoung’s opinion. But it was a kiss. It was satisfactory.

Across the room BamBam screamed in mock horror, and Jinyoung broke the kiss to look over at him. His cheeks were flushed slightly pink, a strange look for him to be sporting at just the sight of two boys kissing.

“Happy?” Youngjae whispered behind Jinyoung, his hands tightening on Jinyoung’s waist.

Jackson walked away, leaving the room entirely. A second later Mark followed, not saying a word, although that wasn’t really a surprise.

Was he happy? Jinyoung had their permission for kissing – most of their permission, anyway. But why did he still feel like there was something missing?

 *******

Over the next few weeks, nothing really changed. Jaebum and Jackson and Youngjae let him kiss them whenever he wanted, which thrilled the fans and thrilled him as well. BamBam came around after a bit, pouting to Jinyoung that he didn’t like being left out, feeling like he was unloved, so Jinyoung kissed him too, mostly on the cheek, but one day he did kiss him on the lips, quickly, chastely, fleetingly, but it was enough for BamBam to ask him not to do it again. Jinyoung was fine with that. The guys were welcome to put down any rules they wanted.

Even Yugyeom got involved after a bit. He only accepted light cheek kisses where Jinyoung’s lips barely even brushed his cheek, but for Jinyoung, the fun there was just teasing Yugyeom. They’d all babied him plenty over the years, and Jinyoung liked the fact that when he cuddled up to the maknae, coddling him really, he could kiss his cheeks and forehead, his nose and even come so close to his lips.

But still after weeks, Mark was still refusing Jinyoung’s affection. Fans were starting to notice that Jinyoung and Mark were the only ones who didn’t have some form of flirtiness when they did episodes of Real GOT7 or when they were at fanmeetings. They all saw the comments online, fan theories that they were growing apart, and other fans that hypothesized that there was a very different meaning to the lack of contact – that Mark and Jinyoung were actually in a relationship together and they were purposely trying to hide it, which was why they weren’t showing any affection toward each other in public.

Because of all these theories, Jinyoung took it upon himself to remedy the rumors.

At their next fan meeting, Jinyoung made his move. When they were all up and moving around, playing around, he cornered Mark.

The older guy looked up at Jinyoung, his eyes wide, a little bit worried.

“I’m going to kiss you. Don’t freak out.” Jinyoung just barely had time to whisper to Mark before he was pushing in, cupping the older man’s face in his hands, and he tilted him backwards away from the cameras, from the fans, from the eyes that would judge him if their lips actually did touch. Which they did. He pressed his mouth to Mark’s, felt the heat, the softness of his lips. And Mark’s lips were open only _this_ much, and the kiss was only an instant, just short enough it could have been fake, but in that instant, Jinyoung felt Mark’s lips part open just a little bit more.

Maybe it was due to surprise. Maybe it was a gasp of breath. Maybe it was him trying to protest the kiss too late. But his mouth opened just enough, and Jinyoung pulled back, laughing and wiping the back of his hand against his mouth. Mark ran off in the other direction, arms wheeling, a put-on scream echoing across the stage.

Jinyoung laughed. The girls in the crowd screamed. The other guys were watching him, some of them laughing, some of them already talking into the mics as if to gloss over what had just happened. But Youngjae was staring right at Jinyoung, and when their eyes met, Youngjae winked. Jinyoung walked over and punched him in the shoulder, lightly, playfully, a thousand meanings behind it.

Mark kept his distance after that. He wasn’t obvious about it, but he clung to Jackson or Jaebum; he drifted away to tease Yugyeom anytime Jinyoung came too close. It wasn’t really noticeable. Everything seemed natural, but to Jinyoung at least, Mark’s distance was a clear message: Stay away, you still can’t touch me or kiss me.

When their promotion period ended and their schedule was a little bit freer in the time between promotion and touring, Jinyoung found that there was a dramatic drop in the amount of kissing his group members that he was doing. And he decided to change that. He wanted kissing. Real kissing.

Maybe he could have gone out like all of the other guys did. He could’ve flirted with girls, maybe got himself a girlfriend or at least a girl to hookup with, to kiss and kiss and kiss and maybe even sleep with. But he didn’t want that. He wanted the guys in his group. He wanted to feel a real kiss from a man with stubble on his jaw, with strong arms and legs, the weight of a man pressing against him. Yeah, he’d been dreaming about it again – kissing the boys, feeling them on him. He was getting needy. He needed deeper kisses, not the practically chaste kisses that the guys allowed him.

So he went to Jackson.

Jackson with the experience of kissing boys. Jackson who’d been chilling out around the dorm for days now, a shadow of a beard growing on his jaw. Jackson who was handsome, who seemed the most comfortable with Jinyoung’s need for contact.

When he found him, Jackson was standing in the kitchen, unfortunately completely dressed, clean-shaven again, looking like he was ready to go out somewhere. It was the middle of the day, so Jinyoung wasn’t quite sure where Jackson would be going, but he didn’t want him to go. He pulled himself up to sit on the counter beside where Jackson was standing. The older guy looked up at him.

“What are you doing?” He asked, and Jinyoung only had one answer.

He leaned in quickly and kissed Jackson on the cheek.

Jackson squealed dramatically and swatted at Jinyoung’s arm. They both started giggling, even as Jackson continued making what appeared to be a protein shake of some kind. Jinyoung watched as he poured all sorts of ingredients into a blender, and he pulled him close once the blender was done pulsing all the ingredients into a strange green drink. Jinyoung pulled Jackson into the spot between his legs, squeezing his knees against Jackson’s sides, and Jackson rested his hands on Jinyoung’s thighs, rubbing them, massaging them lightly.

“What’s up with you today?” Jackson asked, leaning over to pour the shake from the blender into a bottle, which he screwed a lid onto quickly. Jinyoung wrinkled his nose; the drink was sloppy and green and it looked gross, but Jackson didn’t seem to mind since he immediately lifted it to his lips and began drinking. Jinyoung nudged him back so he could slip off the counter, and then he grabbed onto Jackson’s sides, wrapping his hands around the pockets of Jackson’s leather jacket, and he began pulling him out of the kitchen.

“Where are we going?” Jackson asked.

Jinyoung only leaned in and pressed his mouth to Jackson’s. He wanted a kiss. Not a cheek kiss, not on a peck on the lips, but a real kiss. He pressed closer, still dragging Jackson with him away from the kitchen, to his room where he could privately kiss the man in front of him. Jackson still held the shake, but when Jinyoung shoved him against the wall in the hallway, Jackson dropped it to the floor with a thud, and grunted against Jinyoung’s mouth.

A gentle shove to his chest had Jinyoung backing off a few centimeters.

“What are you doing?” Jackson asked.

“I want to kiss you. Really kiss you.” He licked his lips, and grimaced when he tasted what had to be remnants of that protein shake. “Please?” He dropped his forehead against Jackson’s, pressing in more until their noses were touching, and he desperately wanted to close the distance between them again.

Jackson groaned and closed his eyes. “Jinyoung –“

“Please. Hyung.”

Maybe it was his tone. Maybe it was the unnecessary use of _hyung_ , but whatever it was, Jackson gave in. He pulled Jinyoung down the hall to Jinyoung’s door and he lightly pushed him inside and closed the door behind them. “You want me to kiss you? Really? Like make out with you?” He asked, so close to Jinyoung that their lips brushed with every word.

“Yes.”

The word was barely off his lips before it was swallowed by Jackson. And then they were kissing again, and Jinyoung let his eyes drift closed, let himself be absorbed by it all.

Jackson was smooth. Like, Jinyoung knew that Jackson was charming and could be romantic. He was a smooth talker, cute, flirty, and all that stuff, but when it actually came to this – to really kissing him – Jinyoung could barely believe it.

He was pressed back until his back hit the wall, Jackson’s hand curled around the back of his neck, and his tongue swiped over Jinyoung’s bottom lip. Jinyoung opened his mouth in response, but Jackson pulled away, a soft grin shrinking his eyes into happy half-moons. Jinyoung’s hands were tucked into the pockets of Jackson’s jacket still, holding him close even when Jackson pulled away.

“Where are you going?” Jinyoung asked. His lips were tingling and he wanted more. Kissing was good, but kissing Jackson was great. “You can’t leave now.”

Jackson snorted and leaned back in, nosing along the length of Jinyoung’s throat. He pressed a chaste kiss to his pulse and then pulled back again. “I can’t stay here and do this. I promised Mark hyung that I’d go shopping with him.” He reached down and took Jinyoung’s hands from his pockets, and then he took a few steps backwards until he was standing at the door. “And I’ve told you before. I don’t make out with straight boys.”

And then he was gone, but his words lingered in the air.

“But I don’t know anymore if I’m straight.” Jinyoung said quietly to himself.

 *******

It was occurring to him more and more – with the dreams, the need (no, the desire) to kiss the guys, especially Jackson – that maybe he wasn’t as perfectly straight as he’d thought. He was pretty sure he liked girls. But now he was thinking that guys might be a possibility too – or at least just the other members of GOT7.

More and more he stuck himself to Jackson’s side, clinging to him around the dorm, trying to earn kisses in any way possible. It got to the point where all the other guys were noticing it, were questioning it, and finally one day Jaebum pulled Jinyoung aside.

“Are you and Jackson dating?” He asked.

“What? No. Why?” Jinyoung hopped away. “Are you jealous or something? Oh, Jaebum!” He wrapped an arm around the elder’s neck, and pressed a wet kiss to his cheek. “I can show you love too.”

Jaebum groaned and leaned away from Jinyoung’s lips. “I’m not jealous. I’m just wondering why you’re always on him. Why does it feel like every time I walk in to a room where it’s just the two of you, you’ve just stopped making out?”

Jinyoung shook his head. “Jackson refuses to make out with me on principal. Are you just asking this because he’s bisexual and I like kissing boys? Because that doesn’t mean we’re automatically going to be interested in dating each other.” Jaebum raised his eyebrows, and Jinyoung sighed. “I’m hanging around Jackson so much because he’s the only one that doesn’t act really weird about kissing me. He lets me kiss him, and he actually kisses me back.”

A door a few feet away and Mark appeared. His hair was ruffled from sleep, pillow lines creating shapes on his cheek, and he looked back and forth between Jinyoung and Jaebum’s faces, down to their tangled arms and the lack of space between their bodies. His face flushed slightly pink. “Sorry to interrupt. Can’t believe you’re still trying to get some from JB. Aren’t your lips chapped from kissing Jackson yet? I can’t think of the last time I saw you two apart.”

Jinyoung took a step back from Jaebum and frowned at Mark.

“If you’re disgusted by me just say it, but stop dancing around the fact that I’m kissing everyone but you, and you’re the only one who minds.” Jinyoung spat in Mark’s direction before turning down the hall to his bedroom. He heard voices arguing behind him, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying, and he didn’t really care. He climbed in bed and pulled the sheets over his head. He didn’t care that with the blankets over his head the summer heat would possibly suffocate him, and he just wanted to curl up and forge all about the world outside the dark world of his bed covers.

Maybe it was days later or just a few hours, but eventually someone came into Jinyoung’s room. They didn’t knock or announce themselves, but through the haze of heat under his blanket, he heard the door open and footsteps pad across the floor. He felt the mattress sink as they sat down in the open spot beside him, slipping in and fitting their body into the narrow strip of unused bed. With his head buried beneath the blankets, Jinyoung couldn’t tell who it was. For all he knew it could’ve been a fan that had snuck inside the dorm, but based off the smell of sweat and fading men’s deodorant, Jinyoung didn’t think it was a girl.

After a few more moments of quiet, Jinyoung startled as a hand clenched the blanket right beside his face and yanked it away. Surprisingly cool air rushed against his skin, and he had to close his eyes against the burst of bright daylight coming in through his window. A voice beside him said, “Were you planning on suffocating in there?”

Jinyoung slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Mark’s face, so close to his for the first time in weeks. “No. Maybe. What are you doing in here?”

He was tempted to roll away as far as the bed would let him, but before he could, Mark threw a leg over his, pinning him to the spot. “Everyone else is gone and you’ve been in here all day. I figured I should come apologize and probably make sure you were still, like, breathing.”

“Okay, then. I’m waiting.” Jinyoung scooted back, putting a little bit of distance between them, and then he folded his arms over his chest. “Apologize, hyung.”

Mark sighed and rolled over onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He reached a hand up to ruffle through his hair, all without saying a word. Jinyoung turned so that he was on his back as well, pressed shoulder to shoulder. With both of them being grown men, they fit strangely into the bed, barely able to fit shoulder to shoulder without hanging off at least partially. Silence fell thick over them, like the summer heat, like the blanket that was still pooled around Jinyoung’s ankles.

“I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I shouldn’t be this way to you. You were honest with us about the kissing stuff, and I should be more accepting.” Mark finally said, but Jinyoung felt like the words were directed more at the ceiling than they were to him. “When Jackson told us that he was bisexual it didn’t affect me nearly as much because I didn’t really think anything of it, but now –“

Jinyoung laughed a little bit as he said, “It’s just a kiss, Mark hyung.”

“But it’s not.” Mark sat up and leaned over Jinyoung, one hand falling onto his chest, over his heart. Jinyoung’s pulse raced, blood rushing out to meet the points where Mark’s fingers pressed into his chest. “It’s not just a kiss, Jinyoung. We both know that. I know that, you know that. Jackson and Jaebum and everyone else probably knows that too.”

“It is just a kiss.” Jinyoung asserted.

Mark opened his mouth to respond again, but Jinyoung refused to let him. He raised a hand to the back of Mark’s neck, and he pulled him down until their lips met, until their chests were pressed together with the bones of Mark’s hand pressing hard into their hearts. And he was kissing Mark. Really kissing Mark like he’d been begging Jackson to do for weeks. Mark’s mouth slid open and his eyes slid closed. The kiss was sloppy, wet and strange, but stubble rubbed against Jinyoung’s face and the weight of Mark pressed down on him, settled between his legs there on his bed.

Before he could get any more into the kiss, Jinyoung pushed Mark off of him, and as he ran a sleeve over his mouth and drew in several panting breaths, he told him. “See, it was just a kiss. Same as I do with the other guys. I’m going to get something to eat. You want to come along?”

Jinyoung rolled out of the bed, leaving Mark kneeling in the pile of blankets, one hand covering his lips as his wide eyes followed Jinyoung to the door. Before he could slip out though, the sound of Mark’s footsteps hitting the floor came along with an accusation of, “There’s no way you do that with the other guys.”

“Ah, but I never kiss and tell.” Jinyoung winked, snatching his wallet from the dresser, and he left the room and Mark, hoping that his elder would follow.

 *******

The room was silent except for Jackson’s panting, and the lights were so bright that Jinyoung could clearly see their reflection in the practice room’s mirrors. It was late and they probably should’ve been gone hours ago, but there was one move that BamBam was struggling with, so the three of them had stayed back while the others left. And then about ten minutes ago, the youngest of the three of them left to get a drink and Jinyoung had fallen on Jackson, pressing the older guy into the floor and trying to get him to kiss him back but so far he was pretty much unsuccessful.

“BamBam’s going to be back any second,” Jackson pushed at Jinyoung’s shoulders.

“So?”

Jackson pushed again and Jinyoung fell back on his hands. “So, you’ve been weird these past few days. Every time you’re alone in the room with anyone you jump on them. What’s up with you?”

Jinyoung glanced back at the door, wondering when BamBam’s shadow would appear, but for the moment the doorway stayed the same. He looked back at Jackson, at the tired shadows under his eyes and the kissed pink color of his lips. As tempting as it was to glance at his own reflection in the mirror to see the state of himself, Jinyoung looked to the floor, unable to even meet his own eyes. He didn’t want to admit to anyone – let alone Jackson – that the reason he’d been acting so strange by kissing all the guys all the time was because he was trying to prove a point to Mark. Mark who he caught staring at him more often these days; Mark who still refused to kiss Jinyoung; Mark who appeared in Jinyoung’s dreams nightly now, which was a bit of a tangled mess for Jinyoung to figure out at the moment.

“Nothing’s wrong with me.” He eventually said.

Jackson scoffed. “Right. There’s really nothing wrong with you.” He muttered something to himself in Mandarin. “Listen, I don’t know if I’m okay with all this anymore.” A hand waved around generally and then with a glance in Jinyoung’s direction, he waved between the two of them. “I’ve told you before, I don’t do this stuff with straight guys –“

“Maybe I’m not straight!” Jinyoung blurted, angrily slapping his hand down against the floor loudly, his voice resounding around the room. The palm of his hand throbbed where he’d hit it against the floor, and he stared in Jackson’s direction – jaw tense, eyes burning (with anger and with tears that he was fighting to hold back because he’d never said those words out loud, not even to himself), and heat braising underneath his skin. “Do you really think if I’m perfectly straight that I’d be so desperate to kiss guys all the time? I can’t even remember the last time where I thought that I wanted to go out and kiss a girl or do anything more with her! For the past months my entire attention has been stuck on getting you to kiss me back, to get any of you to kiss me. Mark doesn’t even fucking look at me anymore! Especially not since last week when he came in to apologize to me and I kissed the breath out of his lungs.”

Jackson’s face went slack.

Jinyoung was on a roll; caught in his anger, he was feeding the flames, so he kept talking. “I don’t know why he’s being this way. I miss him, and I know the fans can tell that there’s a distance between us, but he’s barely spoken a word to me since I first asked all of you about this.” He pointed at himself, and sighed. “It’s like he’s absolutely disgusted by me, and I can’t stand it because he’s – we’ve always been so close, you know? My heart breaks when I see something that I want to show to him, but I know that as soon as I get anywhere near him he’ll run away to you or Jaebum, which doesn’t even make any sense. You’re into guys too! Why doesn’t he act this way around you?”

The question was definitely rhetorical. The only answer Jinyoung expected was his own voice echoing back at him from the mirrors and the ceiling and the scuffed practice room floors. Lights buzzed and distantly down the hallway outside the door, there was a squeak of a sneaker against the floor, heralding BamBam’s return. But the silence faded and Jinyoung’s rhetorical question hung in the air: “Why doesn’t he act this way around you?”

“Because he’s not in love with me.” Jackson answered with a shrug.

BamBam poured back into the room, a bottle of some energy drink in one hand, and he was already laughing, ready to start practice again. Jackson jumped to his feet and walked over to steal a sip of BamBam’s drink.

Jinyoung stared at the empty spot where Jackson’s face had been. Past that spot, to his reflection, his face staring back at him from the mirror, floored.

*******

_Mark’s not in love with me. That’s stupid._

The skinship was down to an all time low. Pretty much all of the guys were tired of Jinyoung’s clinginess, which wasn’t even kissy clinginess but rather just basic company clinginess. Anymore, Jinyoung hated being alone. Being alone meant that he had plenty of time to think, and thinking time meant either reliving Jackson’s words, reliving that stupid kiss with Mark on his bed, or just mulling over the possibility that Mark was in love with him. He couldn’t be, Jinyoung reassured himself at the end of every period of thinking time.

Tour was starting up very soon. They had two shows in Seoul and then they were heading to foreign soil. To Mark’s native soil in America.

The anticipation had them all wound up.

And still Jinyoung was constantly preoccupied by thoughts of the eldest member. As they rehearsed every day for the tour, his eyes drifted across the room to him. His mind lingered, replaying moments when Mark lifted his shirt to wipe his face after an intense choreography run-through and other times when Mark did things as simple as laughing or licking his lips. Suddenly, Jinyoung was becoming infatuated with Mark, completely enamored with every little thing about him.

It was all Jackson’s fault.

Jackson who still refused to kiss Jinyoung anymore, but consented to snuggling up together in the brief breaks of rehearsals; Jackson who pressed reassuring touches to Jinyoung’s back and face when he noticed the looks passed Mark’s way. Even the other guys noticed the looks, all of them except Mark, of course. Youngjae was becoming absolutely intolerable, in Jinyoung’s opinion. His face was almost constantly formed in an expression of purely “I told you so” which was getting very old. Yugyeom also was noticing the change in Jinyoung. Although Jinyoung and the maknae did have many things that they tended to disagree on and argue excessively about, in those days before the tour started, Yugyeom offered Jinyoung small kindnesses. He let him use the shower first, he fetched him water bottles and snacks and towels, he told him jokes and stories about the fun times he spent with BTS’s Jungkook, and he even invited him to go bowling.

But Mark was always in Jinyoung’s head, and it was driving him crazy with questions and need and desire.

*******

America was always strange.

When they were at home, it wasn’t so difficult to believe that they were popular, that their lives were real and not just a dream. But sometimes when they were in America, at airports or concerts or anywhere that they were recognized, it caught Jinyoung off guard. They were in the States and there were throngs of fans clamoring for attention, for just a smile or a selfie or a word, and that was crazy to him.

They landed in LA a few days before their first concert, and by the time the group got through all the craziness of LAX, the fans on top of finding their baggage and locating the cars they were supposed to take to the hotel, splitting up who was in which car with their luggage, Jinyoung was already exhausted. The late summer heat simmered over his skin, and he wished he’d have worn shorts and a sleeveless shirt like Jackson, BamBam, and Youngjae, but he was wearing shorts and a sweater and a mask that felt suffocating in the heat, but he hadn’t shaved and the stress of traveling and touring was making him break out. He slid into the last van and fell into a seat.

It was only once the door was slid shut and the van took off for the hotel that Jinyoung realized who else was in the van with him.

A manager sat in the front seat beside the driver, the two seats in the middle row were empty, and Jinyoung was crammed in the passenger side corner of the backseat. On the opposite end was Mark. The elder had a baseball cap tugged down low over his face, ripped jeans showed off pale swatches of his skin below, and he was plucking at his t-shirt, an overlarge pink thing that Jinyoung was almost sure had once belonged to him.

“Are you going to stay at your house while we’re here?” Jinyoung asked, tentatively and quietly. He didn’t want to give Mark a reason to get angry and start ignoring him even more than he already was.

Mark nodded.

Between one heartbeat and the next, Jinyoung’s mouth made the decision to ask a second question. It failed to inform his brain of the words before they came pouring out. “Can I come with you?”

He pinched his own leg as punishment, but the way that Mark jerked his head up and the expression on his face, something between shock and relief, worked as punishment as well. Jinyoung clamped his mouth shut to prevent any other dumb questions from spilling out and he waited in silence, waiting for Mark to tell him to fuck off or something like that. But his answer surprised Jinyoung.

“Hyungnim,” Mark called to the front of the van. Their manager turned around to look back at them. “You can just take us to my house instead of the hotel.”

For a moment, it looked like the manager was going to argue and tell Mark that that wouldn’t be possible, but then he nodded. A moment later, the driver switched lanes and Jinyoung watched out the window as the other vans carrying the rest of GOT7 pulled away through the lanes and down an exit. He relaxed back into his seat.

Jinyoung really liked Mark’s home in LA. Not only because of the pool, which really was a nice bonus, but also because the rest of the Tuan’s were always so bright and welcoming. They didn’t even falter when Jinyoung stepped out of the van behind Mark; his parents welcomed him with a hug right after embracing their son. Before he knew it, he was sitting his luggage to the side of Mark’s old bedroom, turning to look at the silhouette of Mark against the window. Mark had barely said a word since Jinyoung had asked to stay with him for the week.

 _Did I make a mistake coming here instead of going to the hotel?_ He wondered.

That first night he felt like an intruder, like the family just wanted to spend time together but then there was Jinyoung, the additional member that didn’t belong there. He curled into himself, only really contributed when he was addressed, and for the most part he tried to pretend like he wasn’t there as they all told stories and dished out the family dinner in the kitchen. Mark seemed to go along with that idea, hardly acknowledging Jinyoung’s presence. It didn’t hurt him nearly as much as it probably should have.

Jinyoung slept on the sofa and vowed that he’d move into the hotel the next day. It was more than awkward. It was uncomfortable, and he stayed up long after the rest of the house had gone dark, texting Jackson about this complicated situation. Jackson just laughed and replied with stupid gifs. He thought about texting some of his friends back in Korea, but thought better of it. No one outside of the band knew about Jinyoung’s kissing thing or the fact that he was questioning his sexuality, particularly in relation to a certain member of the band whose house he was currently sleeping at. So he tried to sleep and forget all about everything.

He was still awake when he heard footsteps whispering across the floor.

A moment later a face appeared above him, peering over the back of the sofa. Jinyoung jumped in surprise, and so did Mark.

“I was just checking to see if you were asleep.” Mark muttered by way of an excuse. “Why’re you still awake?”

Jinyoung pushed himself up into a sitting position, yanking the blanket up under his chin, and he made room for Mark to sit on the other end of the sofa. “I can’t sleep.” Pause, the ticking of a clock, whirring of the air conditioning, a snore from somewhere in the house. Mark sat one cushion away and drew his knees up against his chest. “Listen, I think tomorrow night I’ll stay at the hotel. I shouldn’t have intruded with you and your family. It was rude and I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No!” Mark’s whisper became a shout. His hand was halfway to reaching Jinyoung before he realized and withdrew it. He lowered his voice back down to a whisper, “You can stay. It’s all my fault that you feel out of place. I haven’t exactly been good to you recently, have I? At least you’re attempting to try to fix this gaping canyon between us. I’m just making it worse probably.” He sighed and closed his eyes.

In the pale light that came in through the windows, Jinyoung observed Mark’s face. It was pale and thin, more so than normal. He looked sad and tired, and Jinyoung wanted to remedy all that. He leaned forward, and at the shift of weight, Mark opened his eyes. Jinyoung froze.

This was the closest they’d been since that kiss. This was the most they’d said to each other since then as well.

Jinyoung licked his lips.

Mark’s moonlit gaze dropped to the movement.

When Mark made the move, it was slowly, halting and hesitating, as if with every centimeter of space he closed between them, he thought something would change. He leaned up on his knees, pressing one hand into the back of the couch and the other into the cushion beside Jinyoung’s knee for balance. Jinyoung held his breath and fought the temptation to close his eyes because he wanted to see this, to drink in every detail of the moment. He wanted to see the faint flicker of Mark’s eyes from Jinyoung’s lips to his cheek and back. He wanted to memorize the curve of his eyelashes, and the change of Mark’s breathing when their faces were finally so close. He wanted to see the moment when Mark finally accepted that it was okay to kiss Jinyoung.

“It’s just a kiss,” Mark whispered, his voice blending into the pulse of blood in Jinyoung’s ears.

He didn’t close his eyes when Mark surged forward the last few centimeters and connected their lips. Jinyoung cupped a hand around the back of Mark’s neck, tracing the side of his throat and the underside of his jaw, tempting open his mouth to deepen the kiss.

His eyes finally flickered close when Mark pushed against him, pressing him flat to his back again, and a quiet moan worked its way out of his throat.

Kissing Mark was different from kissing any of the other guys. Not just because this was the most intense kiss he’d gotten from another guy ever in his life. Mark kissed him like the secrets of life were hidden in his mouth, like Jinyoung tasted like eternity. He cupped Jinyoung’s jaw with one hand and kept his other on the back of the sofa for leverage. Jinyoung swore the world crackled with flames around them, that lightning crashed in the distance outside, and the world quaked under his back (which was entirely possible since they were in California). They kissed until Jinyoung’s mouth felt raw, until sleepiness was crashing over the both of them like waves, and Jinyoung knew that he was undoubtedly in love with the man stretched on top of him. That could be a problem. But for now, it was a problem for another day. He was too busy.

“It’s just kissing.” Mark whispered against his tired lips. There was one last peck, and then Mark pushed up to his feet, flooding Jinyoung’s body with cold where before it had been all the heat of Mark’s body. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” And sweet, sweet dreams.

*******

The mend in their chemistry was noticeable the following day. The rest of the group came over to see the Tuan’s (and the pool), and as they played games in the water, choosing teams and just messing around, Jinyoung and Mark barely left each other’s sides. Hands rested on hips and shoulders, fingers curled around the backs of necks and dug through wet hair. There was even the instance when Jinyoung dramatically pulled BamBam from the water and pretended to revive him with CPR, and a jealous Mark came over to shove Jinyoung into the pool before leaping in after him.

Several times Jinyoung caught Jaebum’s eye, and the leader had a knowing look.

Life was pretty much the same for the next few days. They left the house to go do interviews and a rehearsal at the arena they were performing in, the guys came over to use the pool except when they went out shopping, and one night, the last night before the concert, Mark’s family and all seven members went out to dinner together at a restaurant in the middle of a shopping area.

BamBam whispered to Jinyoung throughout the meal, asking him to taking him shopping afterwards, and Jaebum spent the meal reminding Jinyoung not to eat too much because it would slow him down on stage the next night. He had all of the guys hanging over him, wrapping him in words, and touching him, and it was overwhelming after so much time without their affectionate touches and kisses. His skin buzzed with need to be touched and kissed, but the most startling aspect of the dinner that night was Jinyoung’s realization that he didn’t want just any kiss. He wanted Mark’s.

No matter how much clinginess the others showed him, at the end of the meal, the end of the night really, Jinyoung only wanted Mark.

He crawled into Mark’s bed later that night when the whole house was dark and quiet. Mark was still awake, and he only startled slightly when Jinyoung pushed open the door and slipped inside, tiptoeing over to the bed. Not even a moment later, he was wrapped under the sheets, his tongue tasting the flavor of Mark’s toothpaste, his mouth molding to the shape of the elder’s.

They had a concert the next day, so they really should’ve been sleeping, but Jinyoung had pre-concert adrenaline burning through his veins, and the best way to use it all up was just like this: kissing Mark until they were both breathless and Jinyoung’s heartbeat pounded in his ears, too loud to hear anything else.

“Just think, we could’ve been doing this this whole time,” Jinyoung pulled away from the kiss to nose against Mark’s throat, leaving soft kisses on his throat (he knew better than to leave a memory of his kiss behind). “If you’d been open from the start, this would’ve happened months ago, probably.”

“I was jealous.” Mark whispered, tracing his fingers under Jinyoung’s shirt, up his abdomen, up to his beating heart. “Before that day, you kissed me plenty, but then you were suddenly proposing that all of us get to kiss you, and I couldn’t handle the thought of that. Next thing I knew, you were constantly tangled with Jackson, kissing him, and he didn’t seem to mind at all.”

Jinyoung kissed Mark’s throat again. “He didn’t mind. Not until I started talking about you.” His lips glided over Mark’s jaw, and he latched onto his lips again. Mark’s hands slipped to Jinyoung’s hips, and he readjusted on the bed, moving until one of his legs slipped between Mark’s and he was basically straddling the older man. Not basically. He was. Jinyoung shifted his weight until their hips were aligned, until he felt Mark’s hardness against his hip, and his jutted against Mark.

This was a whole new development, something that they’d not discussed before. Jinyoung wondered if Mark still thought of all of this as just a kiss, or if the fact that he was hard had changed his mind about everything. And still Jackson’s words from weeks earlier played through Jinyoung’s mind, words whispering of Mark’s love. If it was real, then was he okay with the new step things were taking, with the growing hit in the pit of Jinyoung’s belly, the building desire to drive himself up against Mark like ocean waves against the shore? Jinyoung didn’t need to ask the question before Mark supplied the answer.

He whined and ground his hips up against Jinyoung’s, and his hands pulled Jinyoung down against him. Mark bit Jinyoung’s lip and then crushed their mouths together to muffle the sound that threatened to spill from his lips when Jinyoung thrust his hips forward, rubbing against Mark’s hip. He cursed himself for the pair of sweatpants that kept them from direct skin contact. Mark whined again.

“If you don’t keep quiet someone’s going to hear us.” Jinyoung panted against Mark’s tongue. “I love your family, but I definitely don’t want them walking in on this.” He pushed his hips forward to punctuate his words, and his thigh rubbed against Mark’s crotch.

Mark’s face was flushed, his fingers dug into Jinyoung’s skin, pushing and pulling him into a rhythm on the elder’s lap. All the while, their mouths were connected, stumbling tongues and lips and teeth, trapping pleasured sounds between them like secret love letters. Sheets rustled as their legs and hips moved, the bed frame creaked lightly, and Jinyoung held back the urge to laugh at the fact that they were humping each other on Mark’s bed as if they were horny teenagers. But they were so much more than that. They were adults coming into accepting this thing, whatever it was, and they were exploring the first steps of a relationship. And Jinyoung was drawing closer to the point where he could entirely accept the identity he’d finally found his way into.

When he came in his sweatpants, spurting heat like the beginning of the Universe all through his body (and soaking through the front of his pants), Jinyoung buried his face in Mark’s shoulder. Still, Mark’s fingers on his hips continued the push and pull, the thrusting, and muffled whining as he clamped his own lips shut and chased his orgasm, drawing close to the finish line, and finally crossing over when Jinyoung leaned up again and captured his lips, grinding his hips down once more. He felt Mark shudder beneath him, and he swallowed the groan that tasted like his own name.

His sweatpants felt sticky, and after a few moments of resting to catch his breath on Mark’s chest, Jinyoung pried himself away to fetch a clean pair of pants for each of them.

Night was still thick around them, silent and hot and charged with this energy.

Once both of their pants were tossed into the laundry basket, and clean ones were slid into place, Jinyoung fell back into the bed, fitting into Mark’s side perfectly. They didn’t kiss now as they held each other close, but rather, they listened to each other breathing, to the slowing and calming effect of drowsiness.

Right before Jinyoung found sleep, he felt Mark’s fingers brush over the nape of his neck, and he heard, distantly through the haze of beckoning dreams, Mark’s voice saying, “It was never just a kiss.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
